What IF…

In the uncertainty of the privacy of our thoughts. What if our thoughts were made public?

In the uncertainty of the privacy of our social media life. What if our social media lives were made public?

In the uncertainty of the privacy of the things that go on in our hearts. What if the things that go on in our hearts were made public?

In the uncertainty of the privacy of our gadgets (iPad, iPhone, etc.). What if the contents of our gadgets were made public?

Uncertainty confuses us further. 

Our lives are a mess. My life is a mess. Whose life is not a mess? 

There is no certainty of a private life. In our pursuit of high-profile and public lives, can never be totally convinced that what I am doing it will remain in the privacy of my space. People seem to have eyes everywhere. There are cameras everywhere. There’s also Google Earth. As I am typing away I can never be sure that there isn’t someone watching.  Even when I walk the street, some enthusiastically speak to me and the temptation of basking in their enthusiasm is high. They laugh with me, some chit chat here and there. Walking away from them I can’t help but feel chuffed by my popularity.

In my last article, I shared how I love conversing with strangers. I actually think I spend more time speaking to strangers than speaking to my own friends and my loved ones. Sometimes I think that a stranger is much safer because they will not judge me based on what they know about me. They will not compare my conversation with my value system. All they see is me now. And their perceptions of me will be based on this one interaction with me. You won’t believe it, but sometimes, that for me is better than meeting someone who will evaluate my speech, my jokes, and the way I look because they know me.

This mess we are in is a mess created by the pressure we have put ourselves in. We preach and say “out of a mess comes a message.” Can my mess be just my mess? Am I allowed to live with an intent to be “the message” and just live my life as “my life” that when I get to heaven my report will be I lived a life not pressurized by the standards set for me by those who thought they knew who I am. I am son before the public figure I have become. I am father and husband before I am a public figure. Actually, I am who God says I am. My standard from now on is to allow this my mess to unfold, whilst I continue to live the life set for me.

Have you ever been a public figure who wanted to be private?

Sometimes I wish someone had actually told me that being a public figure puts you in the spotlight. In as much as your followers get drunk in excitement and benefit from your being a public figure, but it literally drives the self of that public figure to a place of oblivion? They no longer are their self but have become a people’s person measured by the standards of the public. Think about the time when the cheering has died down and you are alone with your thoughts, you realize that the orgy of publicity is like a drug, you enjoy it whilst it’s still in your system. If someone had told me about this, I wouldn’t have wanted to be a public figure. I hear this all the time. Public figures need private and down time.

This one time.

This one time. Can I be allowed to be the person without a title? Can I walk the streets without the requirement to be strong for others? Can I be strong for me by being weak without feeling that being weak is wrong? When you see me walk the streets, please call me by my name. For once can I be the boy my mother gave birth to, the one who was allowed to make mistakes only to be cautioned and not judged for the mistakes. Though my mother expected and knew I was going to become the dream and the vision she had, she never put pressure on me, she allowed me to grow. Now that I’m all grown, am I not allowed to grow to maturity. Am I am not allowed to make mistakes that push me to the place where I become? People expect me to just become. In the places where I hope to be understood, I am totally misunderstood.

What IF… for once I was allowed to be weak.


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